Bucket List
I’ve never been one for having a bucket list. There are things I want to do and see, that’s only natural, but the writing of lists and ticking things off has never been my thing. I recall while having a coffee in the shadow of the Rialto Bridge and watching people stand in front of it, take a selfie, check the selfie and then walk away without spending even a moment to contemplate the scene and their experience of it. To me it appeared it was something they were doing to tick off a list. I’ve seen this behaviour many times in many locations. Many of these people pose in the same way which is something they will have picked up on from social media. To my mind the odd thing about this is not taking that moment. It was all about the selfie, and nothing else. They spend more time looking away from what they came to see, than actually at it.
Thinking about this more I have had a couple of things that would have been on a list if I had written one. As a teenager I wanted to learn to play guitar, so I did. I wanted to write and record an album of songs in a recording studio and have a single of mine played on the radio. I achieved this, though I can no longer recall the name of the station. I think it was Rock on Scotland or something to that effect. I remember the buzz of hearing my track come on. This was pre-internet so fortunately nothing exists online about those days. My rock career fizzled out soon after, but that was a definite tick of a bucket list.
In those days I wanted to write a novel, but couldn’t manage it. I tried, but gave up too easily. I returned many years later and found I could write novels. I’ve documented my writing journey elsewhere on this blog. I was published, and even made the best seller list on Amazon, so again if I had had a bucket list, this would have been on it.
I always wanted to perform at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe and I realised that dream a couple of years ago with the Cabaret of Dangerous Ideas. Again there are details elsewhere on this blog. Other than that, if I was to produce a bucket list today, it would contain being signed by one of the majors, a book signing at Waterstones, and a film or TV series made from one of my books. I’ve no inclination to resurrect my rock career, though I would love to write the film soundtrack as I dabble with synthesizers and that would be pretty cool.
Is this all simply a flight of fancy? When I compare this new list with the old – getting a record played on the radio, writing a novel and being published and making a best seller list, performing my own show at the Edinburgh Festival – it doesn’t look so unachievable. I am going to have fun trying, that’s a definite. This is one lesson I have learnt. If it’s not making you happy, then why put yourself through it? Creating things takes time and effort, and it can be hard work on some days. No point in complaining about it. A creative life is what I’ve signed up for. It was a conscious decision once I realised I could produce something that didn’t exist before. Whether I do it well or not is another question, and in many respects it’s not relevant. All of these things are not what they seem when they are finally realised. There is always something else to aim for and in my mind that’s the way it should be.
How you measure success is an odd thing. Comparing yourself to what you imagine others success must feel like is not a good thing to be doing. I was asked once, how I would measure success and I remember replying, if I sold enough books to get into double figures, I would count that as a success. Of course I would love to sell millions of copies, but since then I’ve moved into four figures and have received some wonderful feedback from strangers. It doesn’t really get any better than that. The fact that strangers will read my book and then get in touch to say how much they enjoyed it. It’s a humbling experience and a great example of the good in people. One day I will exist only as a memory and then with more time passing not even that.
As an aside, the image which accompanies this post was taken in the green room, backstage, just before I was due to go on. Yes, the green room is in fact blue!
The Fiction Factory 